Kemi Badenoch, please cut us some slacks!
By Ibrahim Yusuf
To borrow the popular Gen Zee lingo, “on the norms” yours truly would sit idly by and just pretend not to have heard or seen the way and manner Mrs. Olukemi Olufunto Adegoke Badenoch, the Nigerian-born British politician, Leader of the Opposition and Leader of the Conservative Party in the UK has been badmouthing Nigeria, her country of birth and origin.
On second thought, I feel it would be remiss of me not to also raise my voice above the din in condemning such an affront on our collective psyche and putting this spoilt brat in her place!
However, before I proceed with what would easily be misinterpreted as a riposte or subjective analysis of Badenoch’s diatribe against Nigeria, I’d like to preface my comments with a short anecdote.
Growing up in the popular slums of Ajegunle, Amukoko, on the backstreet of Lagos, it was not uncommon to hear teenagers and adults alike abuse themselves verbally and even had to stake a bet on who could throw such verbal spats without getting angry.
This vice soon became a spectator sport of some sort codenamed ‘wording’ or ‘yabbing’ and was popular among the boys who usually congregate during break time to listen to two opponents slugging it out.
There was this dude in the neighbourhood let’s call him Big Bayo.
He was a Yabbis champion of some sort. He was so good at yabbing that even people from adjoining streets came to hire him. But he met his match one fateful day.
Big Bayo’s mum, then known as Madam Londoner because of her not-too-frequent trips to the UK to see her husband, who was living abroad, always wore tight-fitting trousers that accentuated her curves and hourglass shape.
At the opportune time, Madam Londoner had gone to attend a Parent Teacher Association (PTA) meeting, or so I learned at Olodi Secondary School, at the Apapa axis of Lagos State.
Of course, she stormed the venue of the meeting in her regular tight-fitting trousers which left little to the imagination.
Few days after Big Bayo’s mum visited, there was a yabbis contest and naturally the former was a major contender at the slugfest.
In the first round, he trounced the opponent but he wasn’t so lucky in subsequent bouts.
Akoko Akuma, a gangily fellow from Badagry, Lagos, gave Big Bayo a run for his money. Akuma hit a raw nerve by saying that Big Bayo’s mum, rather than use the stone to crack coconut prefers to use her butt because it’s way too faster and easier!
While the boys were reeling in laughter, Akuma released yet another bombshell. According to him, Big Bayo’s mum was fond of using her butt as a bargaining chip whenever she traveled abroad, especially when she had to board a cab. All she needed to do was to flash her behind at the cabby, and pronto they would take her to her destination for free!
Of course, the joke was not lost on Big Bayo, and he wanted desperately to beat up Akoko Akuma, but the rest of the boys would not take it, and they rose in the latter’s defense by mobbing Big Bayo, and that was the end of Yabbis in the school premises for a pretty long while.
It’s almost certain that Mrs Badenoch, who is suffering from a complex of some sort, that predisposes her to seize every given opportunity to denigrate, malign, rubbish, castigate, abuse, and cast aspersions on anything and everything Nigeria will be forced like Big Bayo to also take her poison someday and as a result suffer lots of privations she may be too distraught to admit to herself when fate deals her a blow because as they say, what goes around comes around!
For all you care, Mrs Badenoch is not the first Nigerian, and neither would she be the last person to ascend public office abroad.
There are many such Nigerians who export abroad, serving in high offices and making the country proud.
In the United States of America, for instance, the Deputy Secretary of the Treasury, Wale Adeyemo, was the highest-ranking Nigerian American in the outgoing Biden-Harris Administration.
He visited the country in mid-September 2023 to further the U.S.-Nigeria economic relationship.
While in Lagos, the Deputy Secretary met with Nigerian entrepreneurs, creators, business leaders, and students to discuss how the United States can be a partner in unlocking investment and opportunity for the country and on the continent.
I was one of the few journalists who interacted with him at the time when he was hosted at the prestigious Lagos Business School, where I saw first-hand his patriotic fervor and love for his homeland, Nigeria.
There is also Uzoma Asagwara, a Nigerian-Canadian citizen born to Nigerian immigrant parents, who made history last year as the first black woman to serve as the Deputy Premier and Health Minister in the Province of Manitoba in Canada.
The list is by no means endless.
Of course, these personages so mentioned above whether directly or indirectly may have experienced their fair share of woes or shege banza as we say in local parlance here.
But they didn’t think demarketing their home country in a foreign land was a way of getting back their pound of flesh?
Granted that Nigeria is not yet an Eldorado, but shouldn’t common sense dictate to someone like Mrs. Badenoch that she doesn’t need to bring her home country under disrepute just because she wants to curry the favours of the white supremacists, who would not even hesitate to sacrifice her on the altar of politics when push comes to shove.
But methinks that there’s something fundamentally wrong with Mrs Badenoch and that’s the fact that she doesn’t understand power play and diplomacy.
It’s only a naive person like her who will seek to burn her bridges just because she feels she has arrived at her destination safely.
Life is not a linear equation where everything and anything goes smoothly. No. You must make room for unforeseen circumstances, unpleasant moments that are bound to happen anyway, no matter how we try to avoid them, and that goes for politics, especially high-powered politics, for that matter!
If you must rise to the top by seeking someone else’s downfall, then you’ll have to keep watching your back because of the enemies you must have made during your career trajectory up there.
They’re many a Mrs. Badenoch out there who would do just about anything to japa out of the country today just as there is a good majority, yours truly inclusive, who hold the view and very strongly too that all hope is not lost as we can still salvage the country. Talk of different strokes for different folks.
We all have equal rights to our choices regardless of which side of the divide we both belong. But in making the choices freely, we must not put others in jeopardy in the process, and that’s where Mrs Badenoch got it all wrong.
Contrary to Mrs Badenoch’s opinion, Nigeria would rise from the ashes of yesterday to take up her rightful place in the comity of nations very soon and in no distant time. Nobody is asking her to share in that aspiration of greatness. Indeed, the country can make that giant leap back to reckoning without the likes of her.
All said, I’ll end my admonition using this popular street lingo, “Egungun be careful na express you dey go!”
That is to say, Mrs Badenoch should watch her caustic tongue lest she would live to regret her actions at the end of the day.
A word they say, is enough for the wise!
Heirs Energies leadership forum to chart course for Nigeria’s oil production growth
Stanley Ihedigbo Heirs Energies, Africa’s leading indigenous energy company, …